Cornfloury

They contain tiny amounts of unrecognizable stewed-to-a-rag meat in a sea of pasta and cornfloury gravy, heavily charged with onion essence and monosodium glutamate, that bringer-out of flavour that figures in so many convenience foods.

Rough-ground cornfloury polenta binds the patties together.

Things like the pudding we christened ‘Purple Puke’ that we imagined grew under the school quad and Manchester tart, which was a heinous concoction of grey margarined pastry, turnip jam, cornfloury custard and a dusting of toenails on top, the hideous, desiccated coconut flakes that stuck in teeth and craw.

Cook the custard over a low heat, stirring constantly until the custard thickens and no cornfloury taste remains.

The chef did not even manage to redeem himself with the puddings: the crème brulée (‘. . . with wild berries. Totally decadent!’) had a gritty texture and cornfloury taste, the chilled apple crêpe turned out to be an icy triangular wedge of apple lined with a strip of pancake.

Deirdre took the biscuit and bit into it without tasting it. She still had that cornfloury feeling in her mouth.