Felinology

But your chances of killing the cat decrease as the square of the distance increase. This is an axiom in natural philosophy, and a fundamental truth of felinology.

Country people in going through strange woods blaze a trail so they can retrace their steps. If animals do the same, are they directed by the blazes of sight or scent? Some veterinarian or one versed in “felinology” might help me and I covet his knowledge on the information asked for.

Especially cats, who think they have done Earth’s entire populace a favor just for being cats. Which also exempts them from blame, according to felinology.

But enough of this stomatology (the study of the mouth, not be confused with philematology, the science of kissing). We have bigger fish to fry in ichthyology, biology, cosmology and — break out the cute cat videos — felinology.

Make sure to say hello to drummer Barry Higginson, who aside from his musical skills is considered one of the world’s foremost experts on felinology.